**JOKES here (Funny/KLEEN, Oneliners & Short Stories)**
#92
10-16-2010, 03:42 PM
Administrator
This Was Worth Reposting...Voteing Time Again :)
Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:
1. 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
2. 7 have been arrested for fraud
3. 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
4. 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
5. 3 have done time for assault
6. 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
7. 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
8. 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
9. 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
10. 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year
Can you guess which organization this is?
Give up yet?
It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group of idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.
And along the political lines;
Obama's health care plan will be written by a committee whose head says he doesn't understand it.
Passed by a Congress that hasn't read it and whose members will be exempt from it.
Signed by a president who smokes, funded by a treasury chief who did not pay his taxes, overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and financed by a country that is broke.
What could possibly go wrong?
And finally, Things that make ya go "HMMMMMMMM"
Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. So, the guy that made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $750 billion disappear.
1. 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
2. 7 have been arrested for fraud
3. 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
4. 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
5. 3 have done time for assault
6. 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
7. 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
8. 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
9. 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
10. 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year
Can you guess which organization this is?
Give up yet?
It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group of idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.
And along the political lines;
Obama's health care plan will be written by a committee whose head says he doesn't understand it.
Passed by a Congress that hasn't read it and whose members will be exempt from it.
Signed by a president who smokes, funded by a treasury chief who did not pay his taxes, overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and financed by a country that is broke.
What could possibly go wrong?
And finally, Things that make ya go "HMMMMMMMM"
Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. So, the guy that made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $750 billion disappear.
#93
10-16-2010, 04:24 PM
Administrator
It Is Now October 2010..
Speaking Of " The Deep South " in the Again Series...
Again, Where Do You Live?
You Live In The Deep South When...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store
2. " ya'll is singular and "all ya'll" is plural.
3. After 5 years you still hear, "Ya ain't from around here, are ya?.
4." He needed killin " is a valid defense.
AND
5. Everyone down here has 2 first names; Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, etc, Dairy Queen
Next series will be done on : You Live In Colorado when...
Click the Image and remember,laughter is
what makes the World Go Around.
Again, Where Do You Live?
You Live In The Deep South When...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store
2. " ya'll is singular and "all ya'll" is plural.
3. After 5 years you still hear, "Ya ain't from around here, are ya?.
4." He needed killin " is a valid defense.
AND
5. Everyone down here has 2 first names; Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, etc, Dairy Queen
Next series will be done on : You Live In Colorado when...
Click the Image and remember,laughter is
what makes the World Go Around.
#95
10-20-2010, 12:12 AM
Administrator
* By Request* More Down South Jokes **
You live in the Deep South When...
All purchases include a coupon of some kind-even houses and cars.
The top of your head is Bald, but you still have a Pony Tail.
Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
and how about...
Cars in front of you are driven by headless people.
Enjoy them? Let me know-I'll put in more later.
WheelBrokerAng
All purchases include a coupon of some kind-even houses and cars.
The top of your head is Bald, but you still have a Pony Tail.
Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
and how about...
Cars in front of you are driven by headless people.
Enjoy them? Let me know-I'll put in more later.
WheelBrokerAng
#97
10-29-2010, 12:41 AM
Administrator
** More Jokes**
This one will be titled : Funny Signs
In a funeral Parlor: "Ask about our layaway plan"
In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 17 and 17 necks"
On a shopping mall marquee: "Archery Tournament - - Ears Pierced"
In the window of an Oregon store : " Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"
On a roller coaster : " Watch Your Head."
Later on I'll put in more..enjoy these for awhile...
WheelBrokerAng
In a funeral Parlor: "Ask about our layaway plan"
In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 17 and 17 necks"
On a shopping mall marquee: "Archery Tournament - - Ears Pierced"
In the window of an Oregon store : " Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"
On a roller coaster : " Watch Your Head."
Later on I'll put in more..enjoy these for awhile...
WheelBrokerAng
#98
11-29-2010, 01:15 AM
Administrator
*More Jokes For You All To Enjoy **
Here we go again..Jokes to laff a-bout
Funny Signs You May See SomeWhere's
On a Tennessee highway: " When the sign is under water, this road is impassable."
On the grounds of a public school: " No trespassing without permission."
In A Maine restaurant: "Open 7 days a week and weekends."
Hope you enjoyed these few funny sign posts..I will put up more laffing things again fairly soon..
WheelBrokerAng
Funny Signs You May See SomeWhere's
On a Tennessee highway: " When the sign is under water, this road is impassable."
On the grounds of a public school: " No trespassing without permission."
In A Maine restaurant: "Open 7 days a week and weekends."
Hope you enjoyed these few funny sign posts..I will put up more laffing things again fairly soon..
WheelBrokerAng
#99
12-03-2010, 11:59 PM
Administrator
** Quick Tips To Make Your Life Simpler**
Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you dont know.
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned too fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
And
No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off (OUCH!).
WheelBrokerAng
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned too fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
And
No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off (OUCH!).
WheelBrokerAng
#100
02-11-2011, 05:03 PM
Administrator
" Hey" Here's a New One To Read **
Here you go by request of a few members...... 3 Vampires Walk Into A Bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, " I Vould like some Blood."
The waitress turns to the 2nd Vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, " I Vould like some Blood. "
The waitress turns to the 3rd Vampire and asks what would you like. The Vampire responds, " I Vould like some Plasma. "
The waitress looks up and says, " Let me see if I have this order correct. You want Two Bloods and a Blood Light?"
Yawwwww weeeee