So my mother passed away lastfriday(drunk driver hit her car last month andshe has spent some time in a coma)and it's been very rough for my dad and I. I was wondering if anybody could offer me some kind of advice since i need to go to college, work, and help my dad w/ the chores at my home. I don't live there, since im in college and i don't want him to feel alone. im an only child and we have no family in P.R. it's just the 2 of us now. he's 47, im 19... it's been harder on him than on me, but i don't know what to do... help me please...

 

I'm really sorry to hear that your mother pass away...
i'll pray for you guy..
well try to talk to him you know try to let him know you still with him dont let him.
be there with him this days is the hardest days...

 

I know I'm new here, but I would like to offer my sencere condolences. Not sure if you are religious or not, but prayer can do wonders. The best advice I can offer, is to try and spend some free time from school with your dad. Try and do some fun things to try and take your minds off the loss, but talk about the good times you all had as a family also. Again, sorry for your loss, and I will say a prayer for you and your dad.

 

Man that's rough. I am sorry to hear of your loss. I am sorry, but I don't have any real advice, but I did want to say to be strong for you and your family.

Again, I am sorry to hear of your loss.

 

My Grandfather just passed on saturday, I wasnt particularly close with him, but obviously my mother was. Instead of being like everyone else and ask her "How are you doing? Wanna talk?" I just had lunch with my mom, and not dwell on the passing. Im not saying act like nothing has happened, or trivialize the event. But just go over and watch a game with your pops, or make dinner and the two of you just hang out. Sometimes that can be more helpful than trying to play theripist. Obviously there will be a need to talk about it, and when that time comes it will be in a more relaxed environment instead of being forced to talk about how you feel. Sometimes people just need some time to come to grips with the situation.

My condolences on your loss buddy. Sorry.

 

Talk. Talking is the best thing you can do to remember your mother and grieve the loss, plus it will bring you and your dad closer together.

I'll give you advice on what not to do: ignore it. Take care of the grieving now, because if you bury it I gurantee it will sneek up on you later in life and take you down. We wouldn't want you to be at home with your wife and kids at 35 wondering why you can drink a liter of Jack Daniels every night...


God would not put such a heavy burgen on your shoulders unless He knew you could handle it and God always works for the good. Instead of asking God "Why?" ask God "How can I make the best of it?" That's why I do and it has always worked, even though it usually puts you through some sort of pain.

 

I have had my Uncle die of cancer and my Grandma die of it also and the best thing to do is let the tears come out man. Don't ever think you can't cry because you are a man. It helps alot it helps rid the pain of something this intense. It will not be easy getting over it but i think Finch is correct that is what helped for me just talking about it and i have my uncles rosery made from the flowers at the wake hanging in my car to always remind me of him i have my grandmas in my room so i always see that also.

 

I am deeply sorry for your loss.
My mother died back in October of 2004 when I was 21. She had congestive heart failure. She was diagnosed back when I was in high school but nobody really made a big deal about it. they just acted like she had a "heart condition" and she would be ok. Then the summer of 2004, I could tell she was getting worse. I know I was the only one she told a lot of things, and she told me that the life expectency for someone with congestive heart failure is around 7 years at best. So I knew she was going to go soon. I wasn't all that shocked when it happened like the rest of my family seemed to be. I think they just didn't know how bad she was doing. I almost felt a little bit of closure though because I had already accepted the fact that she was going to die soon. She was 55 years old.
Sometimes it is still pretty hard on my dad. Especially since he livesalone and my sister and I both live an hour away and are both married with kids. I think the birth of my daughter has helped him out a lot. He loves coming to visit her. For a while there, I was beginning to think he would not last much longer either. Depression can do terrible things to someone. We are heavy drinkers too, and that is terrible for your health on its own. The first year or so after she died I probably put away a 1.75 liter bottle of Bourbon every 2 days. I had been dating my wife for about a year before it happened. She helped me a lot. But I knew there was no one really like that for my dad. I lived with him for about 6 months after I graduated college and was working before I got married and moved about an hour away. My wife and I still went to visit him and stay at his house at least one weekend a month. We have not been in quite a while though because my wife wasn't very mobile at the end of her pregnancy and now it is a little more complicated with the baby. But my dad still comes to our house on the weekends he is off work (he works shift work at a chemical plant.) I think he still drinks a fair amount, but not near as much as I used to. My mom was from Scotland and moved to America when she was 18,and alcoholism runs deep on both sides of the family. I think I got my alcohol tolerance from my mom's side. I could always outdrink my dad. It used to be easy as pie for me to put away a fifth(750 milliliters) ofbourbon and still be able to carry on a conversation with someone who may only think I had a few beers. Neither parent drank till I was in college and they knew I drank. I think the underlying alcoholism was the reason. I don't drink that much anymore. I just finally finished a 1.75ml bottle of Jack daniels that has been in my liquor cabinet since well before Christmas. I think having kids really changes most people. Plus I'm on a diet anyway.
The only thing I can tell you is prayer and time is the only thing that heals it.
Just think of all the good memories you have of her.
I'll pray for you.

 

Letting it out is good for you too as was said above while I was typing my post.
I only cried twice. I know that was not the best thing, but at the time I felt like somebody had to be stong (dumb on my part.)
Once when I got the phone call from my dad saying my mom had died, and the second time was at the grave site after the service was already over. I saw all of my friends standing there wearing suits. All of them lookedas ifall they wanted to do was take the pain away.I couldn't hold it in anymore then.
There is no shame in crying. Italmost alwaysmakes you feel better.Because you cry does not mean you are weak. In fact it may be just the opposite. Onlya stong man can really cry without feelingashamed of it.

 

Iam sry to hear that man, It sucks, I pray for the best for you and your dad.
The only advice i can give is to try and be closer with your father then you ever been, you guys only have each other now. Best of luck man. Just be sad that she is gone, but try to understand she is in a better place now with god in heaven. And again iam very sorry for your loss.